Thinking of you today

I found this on the internet today and it made me think of you.

Sometimes I can forget, you know? Sometimes, if I kinda let my mind lose focus, you seem to be alive in the corner of my life. I can close my eyes a little and there you are, working, watching Law and Order, planning another great movie night out or gathering of friends.

Then of course I have to open my eyes, and you are gone.

In my darker moments, when I am really tired and sad, I wonder what would happen if I just closed my eyes, and lived in that fantasy world where you exist. Fortunately for me, I am way too busy and the children are way too demanding to let that happen.

But damnit Nick, did you really have to go and die on me? Do you have any idea how much I want to kick your ass for that? We were supposed to have a lot more time together and I am angry that we don't. Angry with you, in a dull, sad, totally useless way.

What's the point? I am writing to a memory. If I am lucky, a ghost, though if you are a ghost, you are a damned polite one. You could show up in my mirror from time to time or join me on the couch when I am watching Briscoe snap cheesy witticisms. You could even open my law books and make them float around.

But you don't.

I don't like that getting older means losing people. I don't think it's better to love and lose, than to never love at all. I think it is better to love, and not lose.

Anyway, there it is, the law and order theme song, for you to hear where ever you are.

Much love.